15 Things Only A Mom with 7 Kids Would Understand
I have 7 kids and boy is my life FULL! I know many think that having 7 kids is crazy in this day and age, but I don’t think they realize just how wacky it actually is! Here are 15 things only a mom with 7 kids would understand.
1.) When I cook dinner it’s like catering a small party. There’s never a quick dinner when you have 7 kids. It’s more like a 3 to 4 hour event with a bunch of whiny guests that you can’t get rid of.
2.) Having 7 kids means that eating out is almost literally a LUXURY! Ever been to McDonald’s for a “quick lunch” and ordered 14 Small Fries, 2 Happy Meals, 2 Double Cheeseburgers, 3 Big Macs, 2 Double Quarter Pounders, 3 Sprites, 3 Cokes, 3 Dr. Peppers, an apple pie and get a bill of almost $60?! Ok, so maybe I don’t HAVE to have 4 fries for myself. But I spend $53 more than the average mom on lunch, it’s only fair I get to sulk in some comfort food.
3.) The average household needs to buy a new gallon of milk about every 3 – 4 days. When you live with 7 kids the lifetime expectancy for a gallon of milk is more like 3 to 4 hours! As long as no cereal killers are involved.
4.) Having 7 kids means having to drive 2 vehicles OR squeezing the 7th child between 2 of his siblings and hoping that the cops don’t stop us. No worries, we’ve already taught the little one how to blend in with the upholstery. Nah! I kid, I kid.
5.) Going out with 7 kids means having to do a head count to make sure they’re all present each and every time we enter the vehicle. The good news? I only almost lost one, once. So far, so good.
6.) Getting 7 kids ready for school is no easy task! I have to:
- Wake up 3 hours before school starts.
- Drag them ALL out of bed.
- Beg them to shut up (but they NEVER do) and not wake up the baby (but they ALWAYS do).
- Spend 30 minutes listening to them argue over who used up all the hot water (kill me).
- Check all of their toothbrushes for toothpaste residue (out of 7 kids, 6 and a half always lie about brushing their teeth).
- Get the 8 yr old boy to take of his sister’s pants (don’t even ask).
- Call each kid into the bathroom to brush their hair and inspect for boogers (at least 2 ALWAYS have boogers).
- Rush to sign tests and other stuff their teachers sent home days before but that they ALL forgot to give me until the very last minute (of course!).
- Take care of a crying baby (what did I tell you?) while running up and down the house looking for the 7 yr old’s glasses, the 8 year old’s backpack, and the teenager’s lip gloss!
All this and I still have to feed them breakfast and find 3 missing shoes before this daymare is even close to over.
7.) Having 7 kids means that silence is gone FOREVER! I don’t think I have to really elaborate on this one. Just imagine your 2 kids x 136.
8.) Having 7 kids means getting a whole 5 minutes to yourself each week to do with whatever you want. The hard part for me is figuring out what I want to do with all that free time.
9.) Having 7 kids means having to split your last piece of gum 8 ways because if you don’t, you’ll probably go to Hell.
10.) Using the bathroom will never be more interesting than when you have 7 kids! Each and every time I have to use the bathroom, someone has to poop, pee or relate some type of urgent “can’t wait” information to me. Like that one of them killed the other one in Minecraft, after he killed him first, and now his life is not fair because he has to build a new world (WHAT?!). If I ever get to use the bathroom in peace, I’ll probably keel over.
11.) If you think you know pain, try popping out 7 kids.
12.) You will never know real fear until you’re locked in a house with 7 kids and all you can hear is complete silence. This contradicts #7 on the list, but that’s what makes it so scary. It’s like you’re suddenly in a 1980’s horror film and you don’t know whether to hide or make sure your kids are still alive.
13.) Having 7 kids means you will NEVER be bored. Seriously, there’s always something going on. Whether you’re playing referee to break up a fight over the Xbox remote, trying to hold your kid’s face together because he split it open on the edge of a glass table (while in the middle of a very passionate temper tantrum in front of everyone at THE BOWLNG ALLEY!), or you’re racing against time to buy dance shoes that your daughter “all of a sudden” needs for today’s dance class; there’s never a dull moment, EVER.
14.) When you have 7 kids, you’re late to EVERYTHING! Parties, recitals, graduation. It doesn’t matter if you start getting ready 6 hours ahead of time, set up everything the night before, or even have your kids sleep in their clothes! You’re still going to be LATE! If you want to be on time, leave the kids at home! Even the one who’s graduating. You can record the ceremony on your phone and show it to him later.
15.) Finally, having 7 kids also means I get MORE hugs, MORE kisses and MORE love than any one person could ever dream of or ask for, and that makes me one VERY lucky momma! Oh yeah, I also get a lot more gifts on Mother’s Day (gotta love the perks!).
I do have one question for other moms… Do you know if wine glasses come in a 40 oz?